Confessions Of A Stupid Pastor – Part 2
I think it was Ghandi that said, “We must become the change we seek”. If that is true then we have to define who we is. So my greatest quest over the last year has been coming to grips with me…all of the positives and negatives that God created in me. What I discovered shocked me at first…aligned me against what I’ve tried to be in life…but was completely freeing.
So who is Chris Elrod…what are my attributes…motivations…strengths and weaknesses?
1. I could give a rip about being culturally relevant. It seems to be the catch phrase today…but I feel it’s become more of an obsession. Culture changes at light speed…and most of us spend way too much time trying to be cuturally cool…only to be one step behind it. The most pitiful thing in the world is when a geek tries to sit at the cool kid’s table. Embrace the geekness…culture seems to gravitate towards people that are being themselves…not those that are following fads and trends. Too many church leaders are lemmings following the misguided masses over the edge of the cultural cliff…
2. I’m a quart low on grace and mercy. Compassion is just not my gift. When someone smokes two packs a day and then gets cancer I’m not the one saying, “Poor guy, let me pray for you.” I’m usually the guy saying, “What an idiot…didn’t he read Galations 6:7?”. If you build your house on the beach…I’ll help you clean up the mess when a hurricane hits…but don’t expect me to wipe away your tears. You knew the cost…you did it anyway…deal with the results of the stupidity! Of course, that door swings both ways…I hate when people feel sorry for me. Listen….when I have my first heart attack…nobody feel sorry me…I weighed the costs…knew the better path…but enjoyed the Twinkies anyway.
3. I’m not a network kind of guy. Networks by and large have become an excuse to tolerate bad doctrine. I’ve gone to a buttload of network wannabe meetings over the last year and..at best…most of them have been a feeble lesson in diplomacy and compromise. I’m a Christian…I believe the Word of God is without error…I believe that there is no other way into Heaven but through accepting Christ as Lord and Savior. I’m not going to sit in a room and pretend to agree with Muslims, Catholics or the newest Kool-Aid drinking cult down the street just to promote unity. Christ said He came into the world with a sword…I keep one with me everywhere I go. I’m “Braveheart”…not “Brokeback Mountain”. My kind of diplomacy is saying “nice doggie” while looking for a rock…
4. Most young Emergent guys just make me want to throw up. Most of the Emergent guys I come in contact with want to sit around drinking beer, quoting McLaren, complaining about Bush and making excuses about why their anemic gatherings are only drawing disgruntled Christians. Look guys…I’ve dined with Presidents, played catch with Superbowl quarterbacks, jammed on guitar with rock stars and picked the brains of some of the greatest theologians of our time. Do you really think I’m impressed because you can use the word ‘incarnational’ in a sentence and once read the preface to an Alan Hirsch book? Go live like Shane Claiborne or actually baptize an unchurched person and we’ll talk (i.e., actually go out and stand for something before we’ll talk about all of the things that you’re against)!!!
5. I don’t own a “Spurgeon Is My Homeboy” t-shirt! I’m a Reformed Theology guy…but it’s not a hill to die on in my life. I have no ability to tolerate fools who say that Reformed is the only way to believe…or that Calvinism is the enemy of denominations. People are dying and going to hell…yet some of the greatest Biblical thinkers of our day are debating among themselves about whether we chose God or God choses us. Honestly…who gives a rat’s rear end. In the end…does it change what we as followers of Christ are called to do? There is one God, one Bible, one Savior, one Truth and one way into Heaven…but there is a multitude of ways to tell people about that.
6. I just can’t stomach bullcrap. I’m a realist…if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and flies like a duck…it’s not a mongoose. I read one of those “launch large” books by a church planting “flavor of the month”. Got excited…went to his church…saw the reality. It’s easy to reach the masses when you never confront sin, only preach prosperity, put on a KISS-like stage show and concentrate on transfer growth from other area churches. The truth…he launched large because he stole every other church’s people. That sucks…that’s not Biblical…and that’s just bullcrap. I’ve also learned that when someone says, “I left that other church because the weren’t doctrinally sound, but I’m behind you 100% pastor”…turn around…the knife is on the way. I’m finding it’s better to flush the crap right away…than to let it sit around and start to stink.
7. I hate telephones. I just really hate being on the phone. I don’t mind email or text messaging…but I really hate talking on the phone. I can take short…to the point phone calls…but I detest long phone conversations. For whatever reason…talking on the phone and sleeping just seem like the biggest wastes of time for me.
8. I’m ADD. This is actually a good thing not a bad thing. I can remember everything I read, see or hear…I just don’t have the patience to have a marathon conversation or meeting about it. Also, I can hear you and retain what you said…even when I’m not looking you in the eye.
9. I suck at counseling. I think it’s because of items 2, 6 & 8 above.
10. I’ve never been good at the whole “turn the other cheek thing”. Some folks say that you can attract more flies with honey. I’ve found that smaking them suckers out with a fly swatter completely eliminates the buzzing and irritation. I’m learning to temper my reactions…but in my heart I’m still a bull in a china shop. Some days I’m discovering that the best course of action is to let him out and let him break some stuff.
11. I love my calling. Nothing moves me more than seeing people come to Christ for the first time. Yeah, I realize that discipleship is important…but that’s someone else’s calling…not mine. I used to feel bad about it…until I really poured into some verses about the parts of the body. I have a friend that is moving to New York to start a church. He used to get so irritated with me…because his calling was not my calling. It use to bother me…it doesn’t now. I’m glad God is using him and I’m glad God is using me. I’m mostly glad that God isn’t using us in the same way or less people would come to Christ. My job is not to agree with people…it’s to follow what God has specifically called me to do. Even if it’s not someone else’s cup of tea.
12. I love making people laugh. I’m not trying to become famous…or be cute with my blog posts and preaching…I’m just a naturally funny guy. I made a career out of it and still enjoy it today. I won’t make any more apologies about it because certain people think I need to be more serious. People may negate my intelligence because of my humor…but it was always the court jester…not the scholar…that had the king’s ear the most.
13. I really don’t like most Christian music. Maybe it was because I was in “the biz” for ten years. Maybe it was because I saw more porn on Christian tour buses than in my frat house back in college. Maybe it was because I watched Nashvegas give a Christian artist a free pass for adultery because she sang inspirtaional church songs while they buried another Christian artist for the same sin because he sang rock for the unchurched. Then again…it may be because the music is so generic, lame and over produced. I’d rather listen to Cheap Trick than Chris Tomlin any day. The dream police they come to me in my bed…
14. I love my wife more than life itself. Those that say it is better to have loved and lost than never having loved at all…are idiots! I went through a divorce…it sucks!!! There is never anything on this measley little planet that is more important to me than my relationship with my wife. I love my wife only second to my love for God. God gets me first…Denise gets me second…everyone else can stand in line and wait.
15. I’m not a young man anymore. I’m 41 years old…my life is half over…yet there is still so much to do for the cause of Christ. I can’t take every meeting, answer every phone call, preach every sermon, attend every event or be at everyone’s disposal…and still do what God has called me to do. I can communicate the truths of the Bible to an audience well. I can see the vision of tomorrow and convey it to people well. I can lead young leaders into spiritual battle well. Everything else is going to have to fall by the wayside.
There are more things I’ve discovered about me…but these fifteen are all that I’m prepared to share. The rest are between God, Denise, the Compass Point leadership and I…
