Fat Pastors

One of the folks I met at the National Religious Broadcasters Convention on Tuesday, was a literary agent named Charlie Wear.  He’s also founder of Next Wave, the original (and dare I say best) post-modern, emerging church online magazine.

Anyway…like me…he’s never met a steak he didn’t like.  Consquently, he is pleasantly plump like moi.  You should have seen us trying to squeeze into the same side of a booth at Bahama Breeze.  It was so cool how we tipped the table so that the skinny folks on the other side went airborne.

While we were having lunch and getting to know each other, he informs me that I’m a fat pastor.  I thought he initially called me the name of a character in "Austin Powers" so I asked him to clarify.  He told me that I should go on a diet and then blog about it on his new website, Fat Pastors.  After some more conversation, he convinced me to really give it a shot.  Soooooo…yesterday…I uploaded my first post to FatPastors.com which you can read here.

You need to know that I’m not good at dieting.  It is my understanding that people in Hell must diet.  The real problem is that I grew up in Louisiana where food is a source of joy.  The is no way to describe the euphoria that one gets when you see the word Hostess or Sara Lee on something.  There is something about Twinkies…the way that the cream filling looks when you break apart the golden outside is…well…magical.  There is a certain level of excitement that I get when I bite into a snack cake that is second only to being naked with my wife.

I guess what I’m saying is…don’t to expect much.  I know I need to lose weight for health reasons.  I know people will stop gagging when I wear a Speedo if I’ll lose some weight.  I know that Shamu will stop flirting with me at SeaWorld if I lose some weight.  Yet, it’s dieting…so the good Lord only knows if I’ll be successful.

By the way, for those that are going to the conference next week…if you give me a hard time about anything I eat…because of this post…keep in mind that there are plenty of places to hide a body in north Georgia.  Besides, my diet doesn’t start until next Thursday after I see my doctor.  Which reminds me, does anyone know of a good steak place in Alanata?

I’ve got to go now.  There’s three donuts and a Coke calling my name from the kitchen.

Fat Pastors