Things You Probably Didn’t Know About Me

I seem to surprise people when I meet them. They read stuff on this blog…or hear me speak at a seminar or forum…and develop some impressions about me that are sometimes off base. Anyway, I thought it would different and a break from the seriousness to list some things that most people don’t know about me.

1. I’m a card-carrying member of the KISS Army! Most musicains say seeing the Beatles on Ed Sullivan caused them to pick up a guitar…for me it was seeing Ace Frehley playing with KISS on the 1976 Paul Lynde Halloween Special. It was magical, it was amazing…it was life changing. I have every KISS album ever released and am still a fanatical member of the KISS Army today. I have this vision of Sundays at Compass Point…I come out in leather, preach in white and black kabuki makeup, spitting blood as a sermon illustration and a lighted CHRIS sign lowers from the ceiling behind me while explosions go off. Now that would truly be attractional…or repulsive!!!

2. I play a pretty mean blues guitar. I think most comedians and church planters are frustrated musicians. I grew up in Shreveport, Louisiana so blues music was always around. I own a Fender “Buddy Guy Signature” Strat and play the crap out of it when the Compass Point praise band lets me…which isn’t very often. There’s nothing like throwing in some Albert King licks during a Hillsong United tune!!!

3. I have bad teeth. I brush…I floss…I see a dentist pretty regularly. The problem is that I had two very bad food poisoning incidents when I used to tour. The last one left me with severe stomach problems. For two years I couldn’t keep much food down and was in a constant state of pain from acid buld up. The doctors told me that the constant vomiting of acid would eventually eat the enamel off of my teeth and cause real problems down the road. “Down the road” started last year. I’ve had eight root canals, four crowns and several extractions in the last eighteen months. This summer they’ll be extracting every one of my top teeth out and putting in dentures. To answer your question…yes, I’ve heard of implants. Have you ever heard that church planters don’t make much money?

4. I once sacked groceries for Michael Jackson. During his “Thriller” days I worked as a bag boy near a posh, gated community in Orlando, Florida. Michael had a friend with a home in the community and would stay there on ocassion. One night…right before the grocery store closed…in walks Michael and two body guards. He bought some fruit and a magazine. I bagged them up…handed them to him…and off he went. Ahhh, my brush with greatness…or a felon…you decide.

5. I had a #1 hit. Well, it was only for a week and it was only in St. Louis. Back in my comedy days I recorded this little goofy song called “The Nursery Worker Boogie”. A Christian radio station in St. Louis began to play it and within a week other non-Christian stations had requested a copy to play. Several weeks later it was the Number One requested song in that market…for a week. Pretty sad…but my fifteen minutes of fame.

6. I shoot animals with guns. I love to hunt…espeically duck or dove hunting. I’ve got a few large deer racks in my storage room…my wife won’t let me put them on our wall. I also give fish a hard time by snagging them with hooks in their mouths. I have started an organization called PETA…People Eating Tasty Animals. 🙂

7. I don’t like the beach. Yes, I know I live in Florida…but sand just irritates me. I like the beack okay in the early morning or late afternoon/evening. I just don’t like it when it’s hot and I don’t like the sand getting on…or in…every thing. I’m much more a mountain, woods and prarie kind of guy.

8. I wanted to fly for the Navy. If I couldn’t play lead guitar in KISS…then I wanted to be an opposing solo pilot for The Blue Angels. My Dad was a Navy pilot…so I grew up on flying stories and wanted to follow in his footsteps. Alas…I never flew for the Navy or played guitar for KISS…basically, all my goals went down the toilet.

9. It took me eight years to get a four-year college degree. Between not knowing what I wanted to do in life (the Blue Angels and KISS had rejected me) and flunking out…I have five freshmen years in college. I finally got a B.A from East Texas Baptist University in 1992….I graduated from high school in 1984.

10. My unltimate goal is to fly in space. I had a Sunday School teacher when I lived in Colorado Springs that walked on the moon. He would share stories about the Apollo days and I decided that I’d have to fly in space before I die. Richard Branson is working hard to make that dream come true. In all honesty, my ultimate goal is to plant the first church on the Moon…or the International Space station. How’s that for big vision???

11. I don’t like to sleep. Sleeping is such a colossal waste of time. I really have trouble going to sleep and only get about 4 to 5 hours of sleep a night. My best times of work are from 9:00 PM to 2:00 AM. My best sleeping time is from 5:00 AM until 10:00 AM. You can forget about early morning meetings…it ain’t going to happen. Catch me around 1:00PM or 1:00 AM…

12. I don’t really like reading books, going to conference main sessions or attending meetings. I’m ADD…my attention span is rather short. Give me a magazine article, the important highlights, more track times or the cliff notes. Break it all down into the most important and basic aspects or expect me to mentally check out. Note to Andy Stanely…stop putting stupid stories in your books. I love the practical stuff in “Seven Practices Of Effective Ministry”…I could give a crap about two guys at a baseball game!!! Note to conference coordinators…pillow fights and fake boxing matches are a waste of my time…and money. The next time you guys do that crap I’ll go Guns N’ Roses fan on you…rip my seat out of the floor and hurl it at the stage!!!

13. I’m a cat person. I get along with dogs…but prefer cats…Denise and I have two. Cats are so much more smarter than dogs! I mean, have you ever seen a dog go to the bathroom in a litter box?

14. I’m an electronic gadget freak! I love the latest PDA, laptop, cell phone, mp3 player or electronic gagdet. It’s a never-ending quest to find the perfect PDA/phone/Internet browser. I’m obsessed with Engadget.

15. I’ve been to prison. Okay, not as an inmate…but through Prison Fellowship. Over the last six years I’ve been in several hundred prisons in dozens of states. It ain’t a ministry for everyone, but I love it. For those that critize me…send me flaming email…or bad mouth me at pastor’s roundtable discussions…I have a bunch of guys that like me…they have my back…and they are getting paroled soon!!! 🙂

Things You Probably Didn’t Know About Me