For those of you that read this blog this next statement will come as no surprise…I’m not that bright! In fact, I can be downright stupid at times. For the last year I have been in one of those seasons of stupidity and it has cost me greatly. No…I haven’t been engaged in some kind of lurid sin that could make local newspapers…however, it is a sin nevertheless. My sin…the thing of stupidity…the thing that has caused me great heartache…is…the sin of being unable to say the word ‘no’…to limit the amount of me that other people get.
I have a shepherd’s heart, but that is no excuse for being available to everyone that wants a piece of me. In fact, the real reason I say ‘yes’ so easily and often…is because my ego has trouble accepting that I disappoint people. That look in their eye…that hurt in their voice…that anger in their heart…pushes me into places and stituations that I shouldn’t be. Paul may have been “all things to all people” but…I’m no Paul.
Over the last year I have found myself in far too many meetings that were a waste of my time…and calling. I have spent unproductive hours in network gatherings and denominational sessions talking about how we are going to do things in the “days to come”. Those gatherings and sessions have only served to prolong “the days to come”. In the name of “networking” I have given an ear and valuable time to folks that I just have no respect for…or kinship with. I have jumped on every writing bandwagon and blogging opportunity with litle regard for my family or ministry. I have passed on opportunities for Compass Point in favor of harmony with area churches. In the end…harmony is an illusion that only exists in the conversations at meetings with church leaders who aren’t getting it done.
Finally, I preached 36 weeks in a row…buying into the lie of Satan that nobody could speak to my flock but me. When you preach endlessly with no break…nobody is speaking to your flock…you’re just oral-crapping mindless verbal dribble to the audience with no real passion backing it up. Communcation is not about quantity…but rather quality.
I think a church plant takes 3 years to become what it is that God has called it to be. I also believe that a man spends his first 40 years discovering who he is and the next 40 years actually being it. You can call it a midlife crisis…burnout…bad Chinese food…whatever…but in January I discovered who Chris Elrod is and what Compass Point is. I have spent the last six months coming to grips with that discovery…almost walking away from ministry in the process. The person that God has made me…and the person people want me to be are two separate things. The church that God has called Compass Point to be…and the church that others want it to be is like night and day. This past weekend there came a conclusion to the internal stuggle of “what is” and “what needs to be”. I now know who I am…what Compass Point is…and the changes that need to come to take it all to the next level. Stay tuned…