It’s 4:00 a.m. and it’s been a long night…a rough night…the final moments for Denise and I in the journey of this pregnancy. I’m in my easy chair…Denise is on the couch beside me…she’s finally able to sleep a little. It’s done…it over…but only this specific chapter in life. The next chapter is about to be written…and God already knows how the story line will go.
People keep telling Denise and I that they are sorry for “our loss”…they just don’t understand…this was one of the most glorious things that has ever happened to us…to me. I got to be a father for 14 days!
Some fathers have pictures of their kids playing in the wading pool…going off to their first day of kindergarten…playing sports…being in a dance recital…prom…graduation…wedding photos. The picture of my child is a grainy black and white ultrasound print-out. It may not be much…but it is all that I have…to cling to…to remember…and the photo is priceless. It shows that there is a God…that He is the Giver of all blessings…that He did not forget Denise and I…and that He thinks that we are worthy to be called parents. The doctors said it couldn’t happen…that we were too old to conceive…that we would never experience a pregnancy. The ultrasound print-out is not a photo of a fetus…but of a miracle…my child.
Perry Noble said that fatherhood would forever change me…make my ministry different…my preaching different…my love for people different. He can’t imagine how right he was! I thought fatherhood was something I would never experience…never feel what it was like. For me it only lasted 14 days…and wasn’t quite what other people would consider to be fatherhood. However, in that time frame I fell deeply in love my Heavenly Father…madly in love with my wife…and experienced a love for a child that I could not physically see, hold or touch. I didn’t realize that kind of love was even possible in such a short time.
Those 14 days helped me experience just a tiny portion of the love that God must have for us…His children. It also provided me with a small glimpse into the pain He must feel when He loses one of us. My 14 days of fatherhood gave me even more drive to reach people that are far from God…and better disciple the ones that already know Him.
I have not lost hope…I have not experienced depression…I have not lost faith in God…I have not given up..the Devil doesn’t win this round. If anything this whole journey has only served to draw me closer to the Father…and cause me to lean even more on Him in all things.
God may never bless us with another child…but He gave us one for 14 days. For some people that is nothing…for Denise and I…it was an eternity. For two people that were told we would never be parents…it was the most joyful experience in our lives. If 14 days is all I will ever experience of being a father…then that is perfectly fine by me…there are so many others that don’t get to experience it all. I would not trade in one moment of this journey for a different outcome. It has changed me…given me new hope…brought Denise and I closer together…and gave us a few days of something we never thought we would have. Mainly, it has given me a stronger faith and trust in God…and made me appreciate all the blessings He gives…both great and small. To God be the glory!!!