When I started this blog years ago…it began as a diary…a record of my ups and downs in this journey called church planting. Then it happened…I got noticed…people…thousands of people…began to drop by and read my posts. Somewhere along the way it stopped being about my thoughts…my heart…my life…my journey…it started being about ego and pride. The more people read the more the blog became some kind of “how-to” for church planters…as if I really knew what I was doing as a pastor. I’d spout off ideas, strategies, opinions…be funny, arrogant, over-the-top…in some kind of desperate attempt to get noticed…to be asked to the “cool kids” table. It worked…I got to the “cool kids” table…only to find they weren’t all that cool. They were just flawed men of God struggling to lead their flocks in the direction that God told them to go. Because of their complete submission to God’s will…He laid His hand on them…and their churches grew. It was not because of structure, strategy or even vision. It was because of humility, reverence, sacrifice and burden. Not a one of them ever had a desire to have a mega-church…they just had a desire to follow God. Somewhere along the way…I lost that.
Yesterday I sat in a room with some of the brightest pastors in country. It is in moments like that where I discover how much I don’t know…and how much is still left to learn. The reality is…most days I don’t have a clue what I’m doing. I know where God is calling Compass Point…but I struggle with how to get there. In reality we are still trying to find our way as a congregation…we are not experts in this thing called church planting. Yet…I have spouted off about discipleship, staffing, doctrine and dozens of other things I have no real knowledge about. The truth is…I struggle with all of the same things that every other church planter and pastor struggles with out there…and still haven’t discovered any magic formulas for bypassing the simple fact that God’s hand must be on the effort for it to succeed.
Over the past few months I have come to despise blogging. The posts have been some kind of self-forced obligation to maintain in order to feed my ego in the face of challenging times. The sun began to rise and set with the amount of links and comments each post received. For someone that receives praise for being authentic in his writing…I was sure feeling like a lie.
What is done…is done. I am no longer enamored by the “how-to”…I am more interested in the “why”. I am more moved by the journey of the heart, mind and soul…than the structure, systems or strategy. If you are a church planter or pastor…please feel free to keep reading…just don’t expect answers or solutions. The tone has changed…the comments have been closed…and the journey continues…with a slightly different way of reporting it….to a new audience in mind.